Top 5 Retro Videogame Pets

I love pets. Hell, the whole world loves pets. Even gamers, one of the angriest group of people in society, love pets, as evident by the sheer amount of pets that exist in games today. Though these days, most of the gaming pets you’ll find are the little critters that follow you around in MMOs, or the cute little animals in Facebook games.

However, if they were to pop out of your computer screen and come to life, they wouldn’t be the most functional pets in the world, would they? They’d be like, extra-cute cats or something.

But once upon a time, videogame pets were awesome and really did add to gameplay functionality. If these pets existed in reality, they’d be way more popular than chinchillas and chihuahuas.

Here’s a list of the Top 5 Pets I’d like to have in real life:

#5 – Talking Pet (Star Control)

The Dnyarri Talking Pet from Star Control

In Star Control, the Dnyarri were a race of psychic frog-aliens who were used as interpreters by the Ur-Quan. By communicating via telepathy, it completely breaks free of any language barriers, and because the Talking Pets have been genetically spliced to be completely subservient and unintelligent, they’re not going to try their mind tricks on you.

Speaking of mind tricks, with a pet like this I could totally figure out what my wife wants all the time, cutting through all the female mind games! No more trying to guess what special day this is or where she really wants to go for dinner!

#4 – Snott (Earthworm Jim 2)

Glide me down, Snotty!

Earthworm Jim is known as one of the most bizarre games out there, and Snott is just one of the many aspects of this crazy game. Snott is a living mucus that lives in Jim’s backpack, and aside from being gross and sticky, it helps Jim get around. It extends and sticks to gooey ceilings to swing him around, and it can also expand into a parachute to slow his falls.

It’s basically an all-purpose gooey thing, and we can always use one of those! It’s like Blu-tac, but more awesome.

#3 – Pikachu (Pokemon Yellow)

Cutest Pet. Ever.

Pikachu wasn’t just a pet, he’s the face of the franchise! I mean, seriously. How many people know who Ash Ketchum is?

Compare that little handful with the huge amount of people in the world who can instantly recognize this little yellow electric rat with the rosy cheeks. And why?

Because he is super-cute, what’s why! He is the chick-magnet to end all chick magnets. If you had this little fella walking around with you, be prepared to be gang-raped by girls.

Now that’s enough to make Pikachu any guy’s favorite pet of all time. But I’m happily married, so Pikachu is nowhere near the top spot.

#2 – Yamato the Dog (Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi)

Sick him, ninja-doggy!

If you’re a super-ninja running around trying to rid the world of an alien race, what’s the best thing to have with you? Why, it’s your trusty ninja dog!

Yamato was an awesome pet because he didn’t just follow you around and look cute; this dog would charge into action. When you’re pinned down by enemy gunshots, Yamato zips along with ninja speed to take those fuckers down long enough for you to hop over and finish them off.

Wanna feel safe when you’re out at night? Bring along a ninja dog.

#1 – Lagi (Panzer Dragoon II Zwei)

A dragon that goes Pew Pew Pew? Awesome!

At the beginning, Lagi appears as a cute little thing with widdle wings and big eyes. At this point, he’s still too small to fly… but he grows bigger and more powerful. And by the end of the game, he’s a huge bad-assed dragon with enough berserk firepower to take down an army.

How could that be anything less than the ultimate pet?

When it comes to pets, Lagi will wipe the floor with Eragon, the Toruk in Avatar, and all three of Daenyris’ little dragon things!

Did I miss any cool pets? Drop a comment below!

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About Drew

I love videogames, movies, my wife and my dog (in no particular order). View all posts by Drew

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