Crazy Xbox-killing chicks

Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn for Sega.

These immortal words were spoken by Jason Lee in Mallrats, shortly after he was dumped by his girlfriend while he was playing NHL on his Sega Genesis. While that phrase might be a little bit out of date after the demise of Sega as a console maker, the warning is still valid because most girls HATE videogames.

Mess with a girl and you're going to find your Xbox nailed to a tree

Back in the day, when a girl breaks a guy’s videogame console, it’s because she plugged it into the wall socket without going through a power converter, or she forced a SNES cartridge into a Genesis. But that’s no longer the case, because Xbox-killing is the new crazy chick craze.

Case in point: there’s been a whole bunch of videos popping up on the Internet lately where a girl just goes ape-shit and trashes her boyfriend’s Xbox. It doesn’t matter that most of them are faked, because it’s something that most girls already want to do on instinct, and all these videos are going to make them think it’s okay or even cool to do it.

Smashing a guy’s Xbox is the new kick-in-the-balls, because while you can get sued for assaulting a guy’s genitals, there ain’t no jury out there who’s going to take pity on your mangled Xbox.

So bolt your Xboxes down to the table, or hide them somewhere safe… because those crazy Xbox-killing chicks are out there. I guess it’s a good thing that most gamers are too socially awkward to have a girlfriend in the first place. In their case, no-sex really is safe-sex.

As for me, I’m a pretty lucky guy. I have a wife who not only respects my gaming time, but was also kind enough to get me a new Xbox 360 when my old one broke down. Come to think of it, she paid for half of the first one too. But I’d worry about game-savvy girls even more, because while you might think that these girls are cool enough to respect your Xbox, they’re actually the ones who will make sure that your precious hard drive gets fucked up too.

And Playstation people? You’re not off the hook at all.

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About Drew

I love videogames, movies, my wife and my dog (in no particular order). View all posts by Drew

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