Last weekend, a bunch of friends came over to watch Hard Candy. If you’ve ever seen Hard Candy, then you’ll know that a very memorable scene involves the part where Patrick Wilson gets strapped to a table while Ellen Page proceeds to take a scalpel to his balls. There were four guys and two girls in our group, and all four guys were subconsciously holding cushions or any kind of protection over their crotches. It made a huge impact on all the guys there, we definitely felt very VERY uncomfortable.
So I figure if that scene is going to make my friends cringe and cross their legs awkwardly, why not put together a Top 5 list that will really freak them out? So here we go!
#5 – Robocop
Now this one really affected me as a kid. I mean, I didn’t know anything about rape as a kid, so the emotional element of this scene was really lost of me, but I did know that I want to keep my dick and balls. Forever. Like, I didn’t ever want those taken away from me, ever! Especially after hearing that guy scream and clutch at his wound.
#4 – Pulp Fiction
Fast-forward to 7:10 for the money shot.
Now this scene has two big male fears in it – being anally raped by a redneck, and then getting your crotch blasted away by a shotgun blast. But of course, most people remember this scene not for the painful butt-fucking and 12-gauge castration, but because of the classic “I’ma get medieval on your ass!” line.
#3 – Sin City
Now it’s one thing to have your balls blown off by a gunshot (we’ve seen two already), but it’s another thing to have it completely ripped out by brute strength. Here we’ve got Bruce Willis (hey, it’s him again!) getting really really pissed off and then using his bare fist to rip That Yellow Bastard’s package off. In this graphic shot, you can clearly see bits of his penis clinging onto his crotch for dear life – you can imagine the base flesh of his crotch yelling “don’t let go!” – before giving up and being plucked off. PAIN.
#2 – Hostel 2
Okay this scene was so wrong for so many reasons. Firstly, she takes her time to snip it off with gardening shears. Secondly, you can clearly see that guy’s dick being cut off. Sometimes, subtle hinting is more powerful, but you can’t deny the power of some really graphic frontal castration. And as if that wasn’t enough, she then goes ahead and feeds his dick to the dogs.
Moral of the story: NEVER call a girl a “cunt”.
#1 – Last House on the Left (1972)
I haven’t actually seen this film before, but I keep hearing about a specific scene in it which freaks me out. As an act of vengeance for the murder and rape of her daughter, a mother seduces the bad guy and proceeds to give him head before chomping down hard and biting his dick off. She spits it out, and he understandably bleeds to death. Luckily for you, I can’t find any video or screenshots of this scene.
Honestly, I really wouldn’t have wanted to live after that anyway. Even if doctors miraculously sewed it back on and the nerves worked, I don’t think I’d be able to allow a woman to go near my penis again. With that in mind, I’d really rather just let go and die.