Assassin’s Creed and Constipation

You know when you feel like you need to poop, but you just can’t even after sitting on the toilet for ages? You know how you walk away from that ordeal without any feeling of satisfaction, with your stomach still grumbling and gurgling – and feeling like you could’ve better spent that time reading a book or doing something else more fulfilling than planting your ass on a toilet for a long time without anything to show for it?

That’s what playing Assassin’s Creed: Revelations feels like. A complete waste of time.

Ezio, I am disappoint

It’s rehashed gameplay with nothing compelling about the plot. I just want to finish it because I’ve been led along by carrots in the previous two games, and now I just want to know what all that dumb alien shit is all about so that I can get some closure. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so anal about completing a game or finding out what happens at the end of the story.

When I finished the game, it was (as expected) completely unfulfilling. The only “revelation” in the game was that there will be at least one other game I’ll have to play through in order to get any decent answers.

I did receive an epiphany though: I no longer give a damn about any of the characters or the plot of the series. Unless the next game is a proper update with new and revamped gameplay, this franchise is dead to me!

The Assassin’s Creed goes “Nothing is true.; everything is permitted.” Which is a pretty dumb self-important sounding creed if you think about it. Play the games though, and you’ll realize that the REAL Assassin’s Creed goes:

“Nothing is new; everything is recycled.”

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About Drew

I love videogames, movies, my wife and my dog (in no particular order). View all posts by Drew

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