Category Archives: Bitching

Have a Gothic Christmas!

I was driving my parents’ car this morning, and had no choice but to listen to regular radio stations, and Gold 90.5 FM were pretty much playing Christmas songs non-stop. I mean, I know it’s Christmas and all, and I love the season, but that sorta bugged me a lot.

Anyway, I just felt compelled to look up some non-traditional Christmas songs, and found this one. Enjoy!

Merry Gothic Christmas, folks!

Have yourself a Gothic Christmas!


Titanic outlasts Kim Kardashian’s marriage

Well the big news is Kim Kardashian, reality TV star extraordinaire, has filed for divorce from Kris Humphries, Their mega-huge multi-million dollar wedding was only 72 days ago. That’s like, 10 weeks! I mean, that’s pretty ridiculous, even for celebrity standards.

Here’s a weigh-in:

  • Kim Kardashian’s marriage to Kris Humphries – 10 weeks
  • Britney Spears’ marriage to Jason Allen Alexander – 55 hours
  • Titanic’s theatrical run – 10 months
  • How long I’m probably going to play Arkham City for – probably 5 weeks

Like… wow! I guess maybe not all the Kardashians can stay happily married to NBA players. Kim should stick to NFL players, cos that whole Reggie Bush relationship lasted a lot longer, and the Kardashian sisters shouldn’t be typecast as NBA-daters.

Anyway, here’s a pic of Kim dressed as Poison Ivy for Halloween.

Kim Kardashian dressed as Poison Ivy

Why The Social Network rocked, and Runaways flopped

We watched The Social Network recently and I thought the film was an excellent and funny biopic. You know the story, right? A brilliant young programmer with almost zero social skills ends up developing Facebook, the most used social networking platform in the world, and manages to make a lot of enemies in the process. It’s a story that worked really well as a movie because screenwriter Aaron Sorkin was able to weave a compelling story out of it.

Justin Timberlake and Jesse Eisenberg in The Social Network

This movie was really really good

I couldn’t help but compare the movie to another recent biopic that I saw: The Runaways, that flick about Joan Jett and the world’s first all-girl rock group. Like the formation of Facebook, this was also a historically important story, because this event lead to and inspired so many other rock bands in time to come.

But was The Runaways a good movie? Not really. And it’s not really due to the performances of Kristen Stewart or Dakota Fanning either; mostly it was because it just wasn’t a very engaging movie.

The Runaways Movie

This movie was not

Think about it: someone really loves rock and roll, and they meet a producer who kick starts their career. Success goes to their heads, they start experimenting with drugs and internal bickering eventually tears the band apart. While the story of the Runaways is unique and significant, a movie story based on this basic structure is anything but.

We’ve seen it a million times before – if you replace Kristen Stewart with Marky Mark, you’ve pretty much got that Rock Star movie, except with a different soundtrack.

Maybe something new to the story could’ve been added, like some compelling characters, but writer/director Floria Sigismondi seemed to be satisfied with telling a step by step recreation of Joan Jett and Cherie Currie’s story. In keeping so closely to that generic rock band structure, the two leads felt like generic archetypes even though they were based on real people.

Justin Timberlake in The Social Network

I spent at least 15 mins thinking "that guy really looks like Justin Timberlake"

Sorkin on the other hand, publicly admitted to embellishing certain scenes and altering historical events in order to put together a good screen story. It’s not the first time someone’s done this – JFK, Troy, and so many other movies have messed with historical facts in favor of a better screen story. If you wanted a 100% accurate account of a historical event, you should probably read a book or watch a documentary.

Brenda Song in The Social Network

I just threw in this pic because a lot of people like clicking on Asian chicks

Anyway, I guess I’m just trying to say that just because a movie is based on an epic or significant historical event, doesn’t mean you can scrimp on character development and story arcs. You guys are writing a movie, not a documentary!

Belinda Carlisle inspires trampy behavior

I know this girl who one day suddenly decides that she wants to move to a whole different part of the world, for no real reason other than she wants a change. It’s not because she’s going traveling, or soul-searching, or anything. She just wants to go away.

Belinda Carlisle teaches a whole generation of girls to have unreasonably high expectations

So she tells her boyfriend this, and then informs him that she wants them to take a temporary break from one another while she goes away for a year. Boyfriend suggests that they just outright break up then, but she goes ape shit over the notion. Why? Because she expects him to wait for him.

Now where did she get that idea that a guy should wait for her while she journeys far far away for no apparent reason? I’ll tell you where – it’s Belinda fucking Carlisle.

That Leave A Light On song of hers was a massive hit when it came out in ’89, and it’s no wonder then that this song would hold a massive influence under the impressionable young girls of that generation. Since the song is played endlessly at retro clubs these days, it’s gone on to inspire delusions of grandeur in a new generation of young girls.

I can’t explain, I don’t know
Just how far I have to go
But darling I’ll keep the key
Just leave a light on for me.”

Now that’s just messed up. She wants to go away for no reason, for an undisclosed amount of time, and yet she wants to keep the key. I don’t think any girl would do the same for a guy (except maybe the wives of those knights who went off to fight the Crusades), so why should any girl expect that of a guy?

These lyrics have dangerous suggestions in them, and are far more dangerous than the Satanic lyrics hidden in death metal songs because they’re hidden under catchy beats and her sweet voice.

Still, there are those promises to “give you all the love that you need” when she gets back… is that enough to get a guy to wait that long? Belinda Carlisle also has a pretty sweet rack to match her voice, so that does kinda make the offer a bit more enticing.

I don’t know… would you wait an indeterminable amount of time for Belinda Carlisle while she makes a completely random and unnecessary sabbatical?

Oh, in case you were wondering what happened with the girl in my story, she hooked up with some other guy less than a month after she went away, citing loneliness as a reason. Go figure.

Would you leave your light on for her?

Awesome music video: Seven Nation Army

People always ask me: “Hey Drew, why do you hate Coldplay so much, man? What, did Chris Martin rape you or something?” You know what I’ll say? I won’t say a goddamn word. Why? They won’t understand. Instead, I’ll just show them this music video.

It’s Seven Nation Army, by The White Stripes. It was up for Best Group Video in the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards, and it lost to Coldplay’s The Scientist. Yes, the one where everything’s backwards… as if that’s never been done in a David Lynch movie before.

Apparently, Meg White looks like Ron Weasley's sister

Yeah, I know The White Stripes did win Best Editing, but man this video’s so awesome it should’ve cleaned house at those awards!

PS We’ve got 300 fans on Facebook now! Woooot! Thanks, everyone!

Internet Haters and Na’vi boobs

Neytiri the nav'iThose who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t teach, well, they hide behind an Internet moniker like Arcturuz and shit on everyone and everything on Internet forums. One of the things that Internet Warriors like Arcturuz like to shit on are movies. They’ll claim to be movie fans, and yet they never seem to actually like any movie, choosing instead to gripe about them and nitpick at every little detail. It’s as if their dicks grow an inch every time they spot some minor error in a movie.

If that really is the case, then after a 3 page flame on why Avatar is horrendous, you might just be able to see Arcturuz’ dick. Though that also leads to another quandary: if nobody ever sees Arcturuz’ dick, is it really visible?

Anyway, how do people deal with these Internet Warriors? You can ignore them, bitch back at them, or you can do what James Cameron recently did and just make a clever and snarky remark at them.

I read on that in a recent Interview, someone asked Cameron why the Na’vi in Avatar have boobs. After all, they’re not mammals or anything, so technically they don’t need boobs because they don’t breastfeed. Cameron just replies: “Because of the midichlorians.” Just kidding! This is his real reply:

Because this is a movie for human people.

Suck on that, haters. The King of the World makes movies for human beings, not for the basement-dwelling scum of the Earth. Now I’m not saying that Avatar is the greatest film ever or anything (in fact I was a bit disappointed by it, and kinda glad it didn’t win the Oscar for Best Picture) but it is still waaay better than anything some douche on the Internet can concoct. So lay off, haters!

Actually, Cameron now has pretty much billions and billions of dollars at his command, so he should just do what Jay and Silent Bob did to silence their haters – that is, flying out to every single one of them and kicking their asses!

Why I love Sonic and the Vikings

Yesterday, our dog Sonic put up a post about his namesake’s new game. Between then and this morning, he did wet poopies about three times. I know this because I woke up at 7am on a Saturday morning to clean his shit up. Literally. Anyway, is this a bad omen? I’m not superstitious or anything, but it can’t be a good omen either, right? Either way, there’s a nagging feeling in my heart that the game is doomed to be a disappointment… but I don’t care.

Sonic the Hedgehog and Brett Favre

Sonic and Vikings QB Brett Favre - Underhog and Underdog

Maybe you don’t know this about me, but I’m both a Sonic the Hedgehog fan and a Minnesota Vikings fan. And while these two aspects of my life seem unrelated, they’re actually quite the same. Being a Vikings fan means going through the preseason with high hopes that are raised even higher by sports analysts repeatedly stressing how this upcoming season is the season that the Vikings have assembled an awesome team and are going to totally kick ass. What happens? They start off the season strong, but somewhere along the lines, things start to fall apart and by the end of the regular season, the now-underdog Vikings would be lucky to make it into the Playoffs. And somewhere during the Playoffs, the Vikings will inevitably lose and their Cinderella season will be crushed. During the off-season, they’ll make a whole bunch of promising changes, and the vicious cycle begins again.

Even Sonic himself can't help but feel disappointed

Is this any different from being a Sonic fan? New game is announced, and excitement goes up. Initial teasers and screenshots promise the return of the classic speedy gameplay, and excitement goes up further. Previews then start showing new “gameplay elements” like a Werehog (seriously… wtf?), and suddenly those doubts start reappearing again. When the game finally ships, you’ll find out that it’s nothing more than a colossal disappointment. Sega goes back to the drawing board and announces another game, and the vicious cycle begins again.

A lot of people like to jump ship at the first sign of disappointment, so they end up supporting teams like the Colts, buying games like Crash-freakin’-Bandicoot, and having a lot of forgettable one-night-stands with people of dubious gender instead of trying to maintain a steady relationship. But no, not me! I’m sticking with Sonic and the Vikings. I don’t care if it means an endless cycle of crushed hopes and disappointment, I’m going stand by the underdogs because once upon a time they brought immense joy to my life.

Sonic might not have had a good game since the 16-bit era (though I really liked Sonic Adventure 1 on the Dreamcast), but those 16-bit games were awesome and my childhood would’ve been infinitely poorer without them. The Vikings might never be Superbowl champions, but damnit I feel exhilarated whenever they surprise the fans by beating a heavily-favored team like the Cowboys or their arch-rivals the Packers.

To quote a Star Trek theme song: “I’ve got faith of the heart,” and that’s why I’ll always be a fan of Sonic and the Vikings.

There's always another season

Random fact: The Minnesota Vikings hold the record for most trips to the Superbowl WITHOUT EVER WINNING.

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