My brother once told me a story about a friend of his who lost her virginity to James Iha from The Smashing Pumpkins. I’m not a huge fan of the Pumpkins or anything, but that is just an awesome anecdote to be able to drop. Of course, the James Iha story didn’t end too well, as he was a complete jerk who obviously used her for sex, but still it’s a unique anecdote that would be great to share at her future wedding.
On the flip side, if you ask me about my experience and I have nothing to offer except for a story about losing it to my ex-girlfriend, which is the same story as millions of other people out there. However, if I had the chance to rewrite history, I’d probably want a similar story, and these are the Top 5 music chicks (in no particular order) that I’d love to lose my virginity to.
Note that I was a teen of the 90s, so that’s where I’m turning my sights to.
Wouldn’t you want Liz Phair to be your blowjob queen?
C’mon, anyone around in the 90s would fall hard for Liz Phair. Not only is she a little firecracker of hotness, but her frank and descriptive songs about sex should drive any teen wild. I mean, those lyrics can be pretty filthy… like porno filthy! And what kinda teen boy wouldn’t want to lose their virginity to a potty-mouthed rock star who loves to sing about getting horny and fucking?
Sidenote: My wife and I have an agreement that we’re allowed to have guilt-free extramarital sex with a selected celebrity. Mine is Liz Phair.
Music while you cook
If you’re a hot-blooded teen in the 90s and you see the opening shot of the Volcano Girls video where Nina Gordon is thrashing around under the bed covers, that’s just going to stir some shit in your loins. I LOVED that song back then (and still do), and if I was at a Veruca Salt concert and Nina Gordon beckoned for me to go backstage with her, you can bet your ass I’m charging my scrawny ass past those burly security guards.
Heaven is a place on Earth
Okay, technically Belinda Carlisle is more of an 80s icon, but she was still active in the 90s, and was still pretty hot then. Her clean-cut pop star image might not be the kind of thing that really gets a guy horny, but she had a totally rocking body with curves in all the right places. But the biggest reason why I put her on this list is because Heaven is a place on Earth is one of those songs that will get airplay till the end of time, and imagine being able to whip out that anecdote about losing your virginity in Belinda’s heaven EVERY TIME you hear that song on the radio.
Glasses are hot
Anyone who was alive in the 90s would’ve totally fallen in love with Lisa Loeb’s Stay. This sweet-looking bespectacled singer might not be like the rocker or hot-bodied girls in this list, but she had her own girl-next-door charms. She wasn’t the kind of girl that would randomly pick a guy to fuck backstage, but she might’ve been the one that you’d bump into at a quiet cafe or hotel bar near the gig venue, and then have a good conversation with and then maybe a nice relationship would follow. Then again, maybe she’d just use you for a one night stand too.
Alien sex… mmm…
I’ll be the first to admit that Shirley Manson is a little bit weird-looking, but then again, I like that. It’s like the Mena Suvari style of unusual, alien-looking chicks, and she was also pretty mesmerizing in the Queer video. Would she be as hot in the morning when the dark eye shadow is washed off? I dunno, but honestly she’d probably have kicked you out of her hotel room long before you get to that.
Sidenote: Having watched the second season of The Sarah Connor Chronicles, I find Shirley Manson incredibly annoying now.
Almost but no – Jewel
Are you sure she’s not British?
Jewel’s first album is awesomely depressing and I love it to pieces, and she’s got a rack that can blow your mind, but there’s just something about that smile that I can’t get over.
Who would make your list of music stars to lose your virginity to?